Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

(330): View more from Ohio

I'll alert the authorities

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(513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet (330): I'll alert the authorities http://tfl.nu/v6wq

Replies (8) Good night (1336) Bad night (667)
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(316): View more from Kansas

I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

(785): View more from Kansas

He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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(316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper (785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not. http://tfl.nu/pqqj

Replies (32) Good night (3371) Bad night (1055)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry

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(919): Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry http://tfl.nu/e19m

Replies (7) Good night (943) Bad night (2153)
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(702): View more from Nevada

As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

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(702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1

Replies (16) Good night (7125) Bad night (1231)
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(407): View more from Florida

I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..

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(407): I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks.. http://tfl.nu/av5i

Replies (13) Good night (965) Bad night (4139)
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(702): View more from Nevada

whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

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(702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp

Replies (39) Good night (7068) Bad night (1448)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

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(781): Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?! (781): Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze. http://tfl.nu/sc14

Replies (18) Good night (987) Bad night (3688)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.

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(610): you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster. http://tfl.nu/4s0b

Replies (10) Good night (1167) Bad night (3910)
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(+03): View more from

Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'

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(+03): Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here' http://tfl.nu/86hi

Replies (14) Good night (6551) Bad night (1399)
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(954): View more from Florida

Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?

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(954): Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/oywi

Replies (8) Good night (3772) Bad night (898)
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(301): View more from Maryland

not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.

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(301): not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk. http://tfl.nu/3j1w

Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (1694)
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(541): View more from Oregon

blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best

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(541): blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best http://tfl.nu/qdc9

Replies (17) Good night (3175) Bad night (891)
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(863): View more from Florida

I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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(863): I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious. http://tfl.nu/2u5k

Replies (5) Good night (2556) Bad night (691)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.

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(715): Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank. http://tfl.nu/5t9g

Replies (1) Good night (1009) Bad night (1802)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.

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(630): Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head. http://tfl.nu/xpy4

Replies (9) Good night (2134) Bad night (1005)

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