what if I'm pregnant?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.