You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
