Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

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  (404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt
  Replies (9) Good night (5249) Bad night (1158)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!

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  (417): true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever! http://tfl.nu/5efq
  Replies (14) Good night (1036) Bad night (2835)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

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  (610): just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating... http://tfl.nu/t9b4
  Replies (47) Good night (1633) Bad night (5578)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i just made my gag reflex go away.

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  (336): i just made my gag reflex go away. http://tfl.nu/haya
  Replies (47) Good night (7267) Bad night (864)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree

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  (617): I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree http://tfl.nu/6ra8
  Replies (23) Good night (6290) Bad night (1194)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.

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  (605): it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead. http://tfl.nu/wbpi
  Replies (18) Good night (1794) Bad night (6287)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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  (330): Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her? http://tfl.nu/1j07
  Replies (12) Good night (4420) Bad night (1380)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

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  (815): There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/rw7p
  Replies (4) Good night (3255) Bad night (927)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.

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  (870): No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you. http://tfl.nu/b7m8
  Replies (6) Good night (1870) Bad night (753)
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  (518): View more from New York

  we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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  (518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1445) Bad night (621)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.

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  (724): Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"? (214): Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments. http://tfl.nu/ino1
  Replies (1) Good night (1993) Bad night (577)
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  (805): View more from California

  Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.

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  (805): Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/tlvz
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (406)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?

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  (513): No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand? http://tfl.nu/roqu
  Replies (2) Good night (974) Bad night (387)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.

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  (407): Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away. http://tfl.nu/1xai
  Replies (1) Good night (630) Bad night (312)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.

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  (808): In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it. http://tfl.nu/3ucc
  Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (413)

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