You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am available for nakedness