You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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