Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.