Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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