i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
