pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
