Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
