So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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