Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
