now i know why i became what i already was.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
