READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
