I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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