If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My vagina is officially offended.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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