Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
