Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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