So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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