after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
