i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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