Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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