Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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