so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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