there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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