I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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