Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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