smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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