We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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