I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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