Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
