Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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