I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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