he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
