I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
