Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
