oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
