if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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