you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
