we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
