roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she told me i tasted like america
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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