i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
