Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
