my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
