The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
