Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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