yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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