Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nicole vs. Life
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
