omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
