So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
