I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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