We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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