Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
