Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
