I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
