I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
