I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
