and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
