this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
