Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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