Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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