I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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