Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
