i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
