Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
as a side note pls kill me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
