i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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