Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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