He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
