she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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