she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
